Best Thing I Never Had

Hi strangers!
Life has been super busy lately. I went to Mexico, rid myself of the toxicity around me, passed the bar, was admitted to the bar, started practicing law, got my life into a whirlwind of fun and fantasy, found an astonishing new beau, and stumbled upon bliss again.

Obviously adjusting to the real world has taken time away from being able to post anything here, but I have not stopped learning, living and loving, and I hope you have not either!

I am currently in Kentucky on a huge federal trial, my first one, and I gave a kickass opening statement, just like in the movies!
Sitting in my hotel room, I am catching up on the most recent iTunes releases and came across the incomparably talented Beyonce's new album, and her song "The Best Thing I Never Had." (click here for the lyrics... I promise you'll love them!)

While I won't go into it right now, the release of this song could not possibly have come at a better time. It's laughable how appropriate it is. The truth is, I don't care enough to really find comfort in this song anymore, but the lyrics are powerful enough to make me smirk. Beyonce did, I am, and I hope that you all can look back and find someone to apply this to as well...

Anyways, another day at trial tomorrow, another early night tonight. Hopefully I'll have something more profound or at least funny to share soon!
Happy loving :)

Fin.

Veni. Vidi. Vici.

עד מאה ועשרים שנה

Happy birthday to my superhero dad, who just started P90X and can kick my ass....

To lots of joy and health and many more memories in your new home (that has lots of fun places to hide!!)

WARNING: This One is Tacky and Doesn't Really Make Sense

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)

One week until the biggest test in my life, and my head is distracted and filled with some pretty pesky thoughts that feel like they are constantly clawing at the inside of my skull trying to be blurted out. Deep breaths will get me through the next 8 days, and I will be finished with academia forever, although I can't deny that I'll probably take many more classes for many more interesting hobbies, none of which entail taking a two-day long, sixteen hour exam. Improv, music, writing, art, volleyball, boxing, aaah the options!

The bar will be the very tip of my Everest-like year, climbing much more uphill than I deserved. My heart burst into pieces so small they were as fine as sand. The past will be the past and I will climb down stronger, happier and more filled with love- leaving those behind who see what they want to see and still don't get it, hopefully releasing a careless trail of resentment and anger behind me, in case I ever need to follow that path back to my lessons learned.

Ultimate happiness is on the tip of my tongue- I have learned what is good in my life and the scales are no longer balanced but have found equilibrium in a different, gravity defying way. One more week and I start a new journey. First, travels to Mexico. Then, beginning work. Then finding the (next) heart-mangling love of my life and traveling to Paris, Australia, Nepal, Thailand and Hong Kong... Oh the places we'll go! Making money, settling down without wasting away. Enjoying expensive, palate pleasing foods and wines with hundreds of fruity layers. Last minute getaways and weekends listening to the rain in bed. Stares from across the room. Days without talking and fireworks when love is affirmed upon reuniting. Giving and giving and giving. I am blessed with amazing friends and family, one day soon hopefully some kids, and someone above is definitely watching me. I owe society a-lot more than I have given so far, and the more my future brings the more I will owe.

Here's to the home stretch (and for not having to do it over again)... If you look for me after the bar, I will likely be at the other kind of bar in an intoxicated dreamy haze through April.

For a smile on your face read this article about one of my favorite shows, The Office. It makes so much sense to me, and I think I'm more like Michael Scott than I dare to admit!

Click HERE

Craig's Pissed

They are saying Mark Zukerberg's Facebook helped spark the revolutionary changes we are seeing take place in Egypt. While it is still in limbo and we are unsure of whether at the end of the day, Mubarak's ambiguous resignation will be for better or for worse, I'm pretty sure Zukerberg is stoked about the fact that Facebook was a catalyst in an uprising that may lead to a whole new democratic era in the Middle East (though I remain skeptical). Same thing with whoever founded Twitter.

Then there's Groupon, despite the latest Superbowl controversy, has helped the old, young, rich and poor get manicures for half price and $20 off romantic dinners (though that in itself is somewhat of a paradox...). No doubt the founders, from here in Chicago (I just had drinks with one of the guys that provided the initial investment capital), never imagined the international coupon craze they'd begin, and in perfect timing for the crash of our economy too!

But then there's Craigslist. While I have made a sweet buck or two on Craigslist, the immediate synonym that pops up in my head when I think of Craigslist is "CREEPS." I have never bought, only sold on Craigslist, and have always met in public places. While I'd friend (almost) any random shmo from Arkansas on Facebook, or go to any sketchy dive bar I buy a Groupon for, I remain weary of Craigslist and anyone I'll interact with as a result of it.

Other synonyms to Craigslist include:
Creep;
Killer;
Cheater;
Coitus;
Crazy;
Con Artists; and
Congress.

While Zuckerberg and the Groupon people are flying high, I wonder how Craig Newmark feels about the fact that his website has lead to some of the sketchiest scandals in recent memory. If you Google "craigslist scandals," there are over 1.5 million results that range from selling babies to prostitution, most of which involve some sort of political figure sending a shirtless picture over the internet. DO THEY NOT LEARN??? Really, what has happened to good, old fashioned picking up a whore in the back alleys of dimly lit neighborhoods?

And of course, while we hear about these scandals daily in the news, think about everything we don't hear about... men cheat on their wives, who are probably cheating on their husbands, and bring home some weird new string of STDs doctors will nickname the "craigslist crabs" in a few years time. And while Craigslist has recently removed their "adult section" after a great amount of political pressure (ironic), they still have the "personals" section which pretty much serves the same purpose. I would think, with a very small exception, that women seeking men, men seeking women, women seeking women and men seeking men would pretty much cover all of the bases... I shudder the think what the "Misc Romance" category would include (see picture).

Disregarding for a moment the fact that adultary, prostitution and selling babies is illegal, Craigslist seemed to have become the newest, most horrifying social network to date. Yet another site folks can hide behind, enabling the new phenomenon of social networks taking the "person" out of "personality." I think about that poor girl who was engaged to Philip Markoff. She thought she knew the person she was going to marry- a second year, preppy medical school student who was accused of murdering one woman and attacking another, both whom he found through ads on Craigslist. He ended up killing himself in prison, leaving behind what I can only imagine to be a wildly confused and emotionally scarred fiancee. Talk about an "I thought I knew you" complex.

Whatever the reason, this discreetly disgusting and disturbing slap on our generation makes me worry about what kind of weirdos my children will have to deal with when computers become life-sized holographs and instant transporters! Equally hilarious is the fact that, if you think about it, the leader of our country, former President Clinton basically gave everyone the thumbs up to doing the nasty with an intern behind your wife's back. If you ask me, I think Hillary would have won the Democratic ticket if she had left Bill back with Monica. Whatever the reason, hats off to the late Elizabeth Edwards, for being the first political wife I can think of for finally leaving her husband, in the face of her terminal illness, and spending her last days with her children and not in the shadow of John, his mistress, and their new baby. I'm surprised it did not inspire more women to leave their men in the dust. Either way, I still have hope that Alicia Florrick will leave Mr. Big for the charming yet cunning Will Gardner (for those of you who are lost, she's from the TV show "The Good Wife").

To be clear, I'm no feminist, but I do think that dudes cheat more often than dudettes, or at least are dumb enough to get caught more often. And we all know that guys probably usually peace out as soon as they hear their wife cheated, while wives stay at home and continue perpetuating stereotypes. For your enjoyment, I will end this post with the lyrics to a song I wrote for one of my Second City performances last year. Enjoy and use a condom!


SEX ADDICTION by Sally P

It began with Dave Duchovny
And it sure did not end there.
Men from all over the world
Got caught with different underwear.

Politicians and celebs,
It does not come as a shock
That they have a good excuse
For where they have misplaced their cock.

Men from DC to California
Checked into a “treatment center”,
To show their wives they’ll stop
Searching for other girls to enter.

Yes these mistresses, They
Seem to have, quite the fertile eggs.
But the men always forget this
When they’re in between their legs.

(Chorus)
Sex addiction, Sex addition, Sex addiction.
No more drugs or booze, blame it on sex addiction.
It’s ok if it’s just play,
They won’t find out, no how, no way.
But if they do just blame it on the sex addiction.

(Verse)
Jesse James is now the latest
To screw women with no class.
Sandra’s Oscar's the only man
Who won’t have to kiss her ass.

So John Edwards had a mistress
And a wife with cancer too.
Then his mistress had a kid
Now he’s knee deep in its poo.

Elliot Spitzer, he got caught,
With the call girl Ashley Dupre.
I’m sure Prince Charles and Camilla,
Innocently had “afternoon tea.”

Larry Craig was in a bathroom,
And the papers had a feast.
Then a little boy was found
Right underneath a Catholic Priest.

(Chorus)
Sex addiction, Sex addition, Sex addiction.
No more drugs or booze, blame it on sex addiction.
It’s ok if it’s just play,
They won’t find out, no how, no way.
But if they do just blame it on the sex addiction.


(Bridge)
But this addiction is not just for men alone,
Women also like to lie and cheat and bone.
Yes you bitches, some of you sure do like to score,
For example… (pause, can't think of a name)…
Well she’s a WHORE! (Shout: “Double Standard!)

(Verse)
Tiger Woods was quite the player,
Now he’s in a sexual rut.
He no longer gets to see
Any more dirty, groupie sluts.

Yes oh yes, he’s quite the “master,”
But in more ways then just one.
What’s so wrong with him
Just havin’ just a little bit of fun?

Will someone remind Jon Gosselin
That he’s a douche who likes to party.
And he will always be a loser,
Especially when he wears Ed Hardy.

(Slow) Monogamy, it is no longer-
Don’t extend that olive branch.
I guess they had the right idea,
On that creepy Mormon ranch.

(Chorus)
Sex addiction, Sex addition, Sex addiction.
It’s a-ok if you have got a sex addiction.
Everyone does it, so should you,
I don’t know what else I would do
Without this great disease called Sex Addiction!

Everyone does it, so should you,
I don’t know what else I would do
Without this great disease called Sex Addiction!

Eat, Pray, Ugh: Adventures in Dating

Five chapters into my newest Kindle companion, "Eat, Pray, Love," by Elizabeth Gilbert (no, I did not see the movie), it became uncanny how much I had identified with what Gilbert was writing. Alas, I am only on chapter 7, so that's really all I can say about the book. But I can talk about my own adventures, in dating. While these adventures don't involve traveling to India, Indonesia or Italy (because I am currently shackled down to a pesky Bar), they do involve lots of eating and praying, but in reverse order. I PRAY that the guy that asked me out is normal, then I EAT with him if he seems relatively normal, and then I LOVE the moment I get home to safety when I realize he is not, in fact, normal.

The first issue is actually meeting a normal guy. It's amazing how many old guy friends give you a "casual call" as soon as your facebook status changes from taken to single. But if you don't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship, or you are incapable of doing the Portman-Kutcher friends with benefits thing, you have to branch out and meet new people. I have no interest in meeting someone at a bar because it's highly likely that someone I went to high school with has already been there/done that. I don't want to be the seventh degree of Kevin Kosher Bacon, thank you. Although there is nothing more fun than seeing how many guys ask for your number in a night (some nights are better than others), there is nothing more annoying than getting ten calls in a row at 3am from some number with a weird area code from Scott or Sam or Seth or something, asking if he can come over to snuggle because he is "locked out of his apartment-er-condo." Then there are the ones that stand out, like Javier, my steamy Argentinian pro-tennis player who reeked of the world's nastiest cologne and left me sassy messages. Needless to say he did not qualify for criteria #1: being Jewish. While it is unfortunate that this first priority greatly narrows the pool of tall, good looking, not-cheap, no longer breastfeeding guys, the reality is that unless I know that one day he and I could produce outgoing-jew-fro-ed-big-nosed-hilarious-genius-monster-doctor-babies, there is no way I will be able to feel that instant connection one looks for in a mate. Therefore, meeting lots of guys in bars is fun but not fruitful.

The polar opposite of meeting someone at the bars is meeting a guy online. I have experimented with Jdate and so far have encountered each of the three little pigs:

First, the one with the straw- this guy did not stop talking about his diet and his desire to lose 50lbs in 12 weeks (read: manorexic). He only ingested what he could drink through a straw. I would not have thought twice about his weight had it not been for his constant reminder that he wished he could eat the leftover bread crust on my plate. I am pretty sure that is on the top five things you are not supposed to talk about on your first date. Next!

Second, the one with the wood- you guessed it. The guy got wasted and thus much too affectionate for the first date. The intentions were nice, the attention was not. Pass.

Third, the one with the brick- he came along and hit me like a ton of bricks. We were in love after the first date and it lead to a month long love affair much too passionate to describe on a blog that my dad reads (hi dad). Unfortunately, we both soon realized that each of us were carrying some recent baggage much to big to hide behind a brick wall, and so we parted ways-for now.

As a result I am left with a bad taste in my mouth from online dating. When I wasn't single and things were easier said than done, I always urged my single friends to give it a try because I have heard several success stories. But my experience has shown me that it is a strange animal one has to learn to tame: skimming over the weirdos that stalk you and constantly look at your profile, even though nothing on it has changed, the flakes that ask you out but don't follow through, the desperates who waited-too-long-and-all-my-friends-are-married-now-so-I'm-really-ready-to-commit-and-have-babies-but-in-reality-I-really-am-not-ready-because-I-have-too-many-issues, and of course the rare hot ones that go out with all the cute girls but end up like the latter guy. Equally discouraging are the times you go against every ounce of your dignity and make the initial email only to see that while he opened the message, he did not find your picture and profile exciting enough to reply. His loss, as he will never be able to smell my perfume over cyber space.

In between the poles of meeting at a bar versus online dating are the more comfortable approaches: One option is being set up by mutual friends or family members (This is a good option as long as it is not a friend's sibling which I would urge anyone to avoid at all costs). A few good dates have resulted from this method, but on the other hand it's awkward when it doesn't work out. For example, one friend of a friend asked me to go out to a really nice dinner. I thought it would be fun, but fair to warn, "dinner sounds great! I just want to be clear and let you know that I just got out of a recent breakup and therefore am not really looking for anything serious." Of course, this was a big fat lie, but you can't expect me to say, "sure, take me out to a fancy dinner, but I don't find you attractive!" Turns out "his mom planned something" for that night so he would have to "reschedule." At least his "mommy" got me out of a date with her strange son, probably so that I can spend that night hanging out with an equally strange guy.

Another option is meeting a guy at a neutral place like Starbucks or Whole Foods. The downside here is that you need to do your hair and wear makeup when you grab a dozen eggs or your morning latte, but the upside is that you end up meeting perfectly normal guys whom you know are able to shop for themselves and are happy to pay for overpriced groceries and coffee. Earlier this week I met a very cute but slightly nervous young man (a little too young- what defines a cougar?) picking out pasta at Whole Foods. I flashed him a smile and asked "what are we making?" which lead to a short game of Jewish geography and a date next Thursday- we're making pasta. Today I had an encounter while studying at Starbucks, and my cheeks are just now recovering from the intense blushing that resulted. My tall, fit new friend who was adorable but didn't take himself too seriously (I tried not to look at his pants which were a little tight at the bottom), came to my table and coyly asked if he could borrow my chair in the most apologetic tone. When I laughed and assured him it was ok since no one was using it, I batted my eyelashes one too many times as he grinned with his award winning smile. Just when I got discouraged as I watched him exit the shop, he turned around and tactfully dropped his business card on top of my torts book. It read, "Remodeling with a Personal Touch." Hmm, personal touch indeed- sexy and smooth!

Perhaps the best time for a keeper to spring up is in the spring. I'm going to Cabo this spring with some excellent fellow single flirts where I plan on getting a plethora of latin VD's (I am expecting a phone call from my confused mom asking me what a VD is- I don't think this joke will go over well...). And over the summer there is not a better place to meet hot athletic singles than North Avenue Beach playing beach volleyball where the volleyballs are not the only things bouncing. Either way, like past relationships, each date is one step closer to finding out what I do- and definitely DON'T- want in my soulmate. In the mean time I'm doing lots of eating, praying, and loving my adventures (and many ridiculous stories) of the best and worst Chicago has to offer.

Snow Day!!!

Whether the weather be cold,
Whether the weather be hot,
We'll be together
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it (like Moe) or not (like Sadie)!

We hope you are having a fabulous snow day!!!!!!!!
I hope the groundhog likes snow...

Practicing Patience

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and conveniences, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~MLK (Thanks David!)

Last week I wrote a blog post, "When to Take Your Wishes for Granted." I read it about fifty times before I published it, and, while I couldn't put my finger on it, something about the message I sent in the post wasn't quite right. The premise, if you did not read it, was "finding love strong enough to withstand everything, enabling you to take that love for granted." Nevertheless, I proceeded to publish it, without practicing patience and waiting to figure out exactly what the problem was. After I published it I received several responses. I found that my single readers said "well done, I couldn't have said it better myself," while my married readers said "I agree with most of what you are saying, but not all of it." My friend Nutella, to whom I referred to in that post, said it best. When I asked her if what I was trying to convey came through, she replied, "Completely/ I think that 'take for granted' is a very loaded phrase/ even if you qualify it/ but your meaning still comes through."

Today I went to one of my great classes, where we discussed patience. While sitting in the class it dawned on me that I had it backwards in my last blog post. In Judaism we are taught that in a marriage, your partner is ultimately there to make you a better person, and vice versa. So for example, the more humble of the spouses might be a force in teaching his or her partner how to be more humble. So when I asked in my earlier post "how can I trust someone to love me even when i suck," I was wrong in my approach. The real issue is not about my ability to trust someone to love me when I suck, rather the test is on the ability of my partner to have patience with me even when I suck. Nobody is perfect, but if your spouse is there to balance you out, then the one whose patience is being tested, and who carries that burden with humility and faith, will keep those scales even.

The funny thing about sitting through that class was that I am generally an extremely patient person. In fact, I am so patient with most people that I end up being a doormat, allowing people to walk all over me without batting an eye. I end up going out of my way to accommodate those people or allowing them to continue taking advantage of my patience instead of standing up for myself. Last week I saw a Reiki healer (Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. Click here to find out more, she was excellent and feel free to ask me for her number). After an hour of doing whatever she does, she discussed the "Shakras" in my body that needed healing. This woman, who had never met me before and knows nothing about me, said that my biggest problem was in my throat. She basically explained that the "shakra" is completely clogged, because while I am very expressive and passionate, especially with love, I don't tell people when they hurt me or when I have been wronged. Over the last two or three months I have identified this downside of patience and have been able to be more assertive in preventing that from happening.

On the other hand, I find that the closer I am with someone, the less patient I am. So for example, while studying for the Bar Exam, I can get two phone calls. One is from some random guy I have never spoken to and I would easily put my pencil down and talk for half an hour. At the same time, if I were to get a phone call from my mother, I would have no problem telling her, in an agitated voice, "Mom! I am studying, I can't talk right now!"

At that point, even though I should practice patience with my mom, and give her three minutes on the phone so that she can make sure I am okay, my mom has to practice patience with me. We have all heard those stories of the man who missed his flight, which ended up crashing. Children have accidents, or barf on the carpet, but what is the use of getting mad? At the end of the day, there are so many events in the universe that we cannot control, so how will getting mad and impatient help? The fundamental realization here is "who am I, one minuscule person in this gigantic universe, that the rest of the world around me needs to stop so that I can get my way?"

For example, my biggest pet peeve is road rage. Everyone is driving. Everyone is in traffic. Everyone needs to get somewhere, or go home, or make their flight. Maybe you arrive to your destination fifteen minutes early, but it is at the expense of your safety, the safety of others around you, and looking like a jerk. Taking a deep breath and remembering that it could be worse will ultimately get you much farther in life than impatience will get you that minute. And the same thing applies to those you love- practicing patience with them will make for a much more loving and healthier relationship. Patience is a burden, one you must carry on your shoulders, but the key is being okay with that burden and carrying it. The inability to carry it results in rage.

Today I had probably the best day I have ever had in the last six months. Nothing in particular happened, but everything went my way, and I did nothing to anyone else that I was ashamed of. I felt lighthearted and happy. Since I was able to acknowledge the greatness of the day throughout the day, it was even better. Not looking at the clock and anticipating time, being present and patient and in the moment. Unfortunately, that perfect day was pretty much shattered when, upon driving home after my class, I unconsciously honked at a car parked in the middle of the street in front of me. I could have driven around it, but I honked instead. I was so disappointed immediately after I honked, literally just having returned from a class about patience. But that's okay, the day was still great and tomorrow is another chance for my patience to be tested. And congrats to you, dear reader, for having the patience to take a moment out of your day and completing this post.

Phew I Flew

It took me a while, but I found it. Check out this great song by Regina Spektor.

"Two Birds"
Regina Spektor

Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away
And the other
Watches him close
From that wire
He says he wants to as well
But he is a liar

I'll believe it all
There's nothing I won't understand
I'll believe it all
I won't let go of your hand

Two birds on a wire
One says come on
And the other says
I'm tired
The sky is overcast
And I'm sorry
One more or one less
Nobody's worried

I'll believe it all
There's nothing I won't understand
I'll believe it all
I won't let go of your hand

Two birds of a feather
Say that they're always
Gonna stay together
But one's never goin' to
Let go of that wire
He says that he will
But he's just a liar

Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away
And the other
Watches him close
From that wire
He says he wants to as well
But he is a liar

Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away
And the other...

You Can Call Me Doctor!

Yesterday, NOT ONLY did the Bears play a FANTASTIC game, did "Glee" win big at the Golden Globes, but I became the youngest Juris Doctor in the John Marshall Law School class of January, 2011!!

My Grandmother, before being taken by the Nazis, studied Law, but was never able to earn her degree, in the Cosmopolitan city of Warsaw. My law degree, earned six months earlier than others my age, is dedicated to her.

Ever since I was little, my parents left it up to me to succeed in school. Stressing the importance of academic achievement, without making my responsibilities as a student their own. They harvested in me the ability to be self-reliant and independent. As close as we are, I am still able to form my own educated opinions, and think independently and critically concerning my professional as well my personal life. I leared about success and failure on my own (although I must admit, I am incredibly lucky to be able to retain information as I hear it- that helped a lot too), and quickly saw the rewards of doing well.

So the people I have to thank for my degree are my amazing, supportive, loving and nurturing parents. Sending me a private Jewish school from an early age, which instilled the core values of "Derech Eretz" in me;* seeing me through every single performance and event in high school; providing an invaluable college experience; allowing me to explore the world from Israel, to dozens of European countries, to South Africa- enabling me to understand that the world is so much larger than how I saw it; and most recently, giving me a law degree, without asking for anything in return. There is no higher or more gracious form of giving than by enabling someone to become self-reliant. They have done that throughout my whole life, and soon I will begin working as an attorney, hopefully producing my own success in order to one day give to my children what my parents have given to me. I am nothing but humbled by all of this, and can not express my gratitude enough. I would not be here without them (literally and figuratively I guess...). (Gross).

But on a way more fun note speaking about my future... Last night my whole family had the most exciting culinary experience I could imagine. A specially prepared champagne dinner was a symphony of flavors. Unfortunately those flavors were dulled for me when my brother offered me $100 if I drank an entire bottle of Tobasco sauce. I told him he was crazy, and proceeded to drink the entire bottle. I earned $100 but lost sensation on my tongue for a while, preventing me from enjoying my first course properly. Either way, it was hilarious and money well spent- As I walked home from dinner I passed by an astrology boutique and decided to give her a ring. I had always been curious, and I thought it would be funny. So I made an appointment and found out some interesting things, the pertinent one being that she saw success in my future. So here we are, full circle! She might see success, but I wouldn't have it without my ma' and pa'. So I love you, and thank you!




*“Derech eretz is, in its broadest sense, acting with consideration and kindness to one’s fellow human beings, and in so doing, fulfilling the will of God. In Jewish religious terms, everyday life presents us with constant struggles to act in the correct way -- we are constantly battling between good and evil. It is a never-ending ethical drama in which the individual should always be striving to serve God in the best way possible. It means being able to transcend the mere formulaic response, yet, in turn, also being able to endure the anguish that true freedom of choice often encompasses.” –Excerpts from Small Acts of Kindness

When To Take Your Wishes For Granted

January 31 of last year was a very special day for me, but within the last year my life has changed tremendously. I learned a-lot about human nature, but I am also left with hundreds of unanswered questions. Perhaps the hardest to answer is this: When does a relationship with someone become strong enough so that you can you finally take your love for granted?

Lets take Taylor, from "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" for example. She and her husband live in a world of plastic Barbie Dolls. In fear of losing her husband to a younger woman, Taylor has to stop eating and botch her face with Botox in order to remain what her husband considers to be "attractive." Debra, from "Everybody Loves Raymond" illustrates that having sex with her husband is an act of love, and not something that she actually wants to do. But what if Taylor and Debra stopped complying? Would their husbands quit? Does this go both ways?

Advice that I always gave my single friends, and I now remind myself, is always make sure that the guy you date likes you more than you like him. This serves as a defensive shield that prevents you from getting hurt, because lets face it, guys can be jerks. At some point however, that line naturally blurs and a mutual and equal love should develop between two people, and my silly rule can be dismissed. I once dated a guy who, whenever I talked about how perfect things were, always reminded me that things are not always perfect, but that you work on those things and get passed them in order to make a relationship successful. Another wise friend told me that after a rough break up, she learned, "you don't want a man who you have to ask to [buy you flowers/stand up for you/change a lightbulb/insert issue here]. You want a man who will just do it."

Lets not equate "taking for granted" with "stop working." At the same time that a relationship becomes more serious, it also becomes more work. But this hard work is meant to attain ultimate pleasure and joy from your partner. It is not hard work meant to constantly keep you on edge, leaving you unable to feel comfortable, content. It is not hard work that is meant to leave you unable take your love for granted, without the fear of screwing it up because of a bad day, week, month or even year.

My dilemma is as such: when is a commitment a commitment? If People Magazine today teaches us anything, it's that you have to get pregnant in order to get a ring, and that no marriage is faithful. I can tell you with certainty of only ONE marriage that has remained loving, happy and faithful- my parents'. Lets face it folks, not even Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was faithful to his wife.

Thus, my head swirls with doubts. I reflect, asking myself "when can I trust someone to love me even when I suck?" My very wise friend, let's call her Nutella, and I have had dozens of conversations about relationships, trust, and love. I, on the one hand, am a hopeless romantic. I believe every story has a fairy tale ending and am a sucker for love. At the other side of the spectrum, Nutella is, at most, cautiously optimistic about the theory I call love and treads lightly around the idea. Her mother taught her that a good relationship has four pillars: Humor (not too hard to find), Intelligence (that's relative I suppose), Motivation (is he a couch potato or a go getter?), and Generosity (the hardest to come by). Together, even when you suck, an intelligent, motivated and generous man will not take the easy path out, but might find some humor in it and work towards the light at the end of the tunnel, thus allowing you to take your love for granted.

While discussing my recent dating escapades with Nutella, all the stories lead her to but one question about Jewish men, "Do their balls ever drop?" (Her words, not mine). Needless to say these escapades, while fun, have not yet brought me any step closer to the assurance that there will be one day where I don't have to explain away my bad mood, be questioned when I want a light-bulb changed, or be embarrassed if I accidentally fart under the covers.

Then I think about the Rabbis that teach me. Each of them went on at MOST ten dates before they knew they were ready to get married to their wives. None of them are divorced, and their relationships are as healthy as a relationship get. How did they know after only ten dates that she was "the one?" The husband-wife dynamic is TOP priority, despite the ten little kids running around at home, the constant buzz of the blackberry, and the dozens of people asking for help. In fact, they are so committed to their families, that each of the three Rabbis I am talking about DO NOT OWN A TELEVISION. Do they love sports? Of course. Do they enjoy movies? You bet. But if there is a half hour that they can spend, either watching a sitcom or reading with their family, they will choose their family. THAT is commitment. I can bet that there are days where either the Rabbi or their wives are not on their best behavior, but they can take it for granted that, if anything, that point is when the stronger spouses' love is sturdier and picks up the slack for a while.

I think about people who date for three, four, even ten years, and compare them to the orthodox Jewish community where it is common to go out for only a few weeks or months and get married. As counter-intuitive as it is, time does not seem to make the difference. There are barely any divorces in the orthodox community, while you and I both know that most marriages in the secular world end in divorce, and those that don't are not necessarily happy. Obviously the Jews I am talking about don't know everything about their partners after only a few dates. They don't know what their sexual chemistry will be, and they don't know their nasty habits of leaving toenail clippings all over the bathroom floor. But traits that would make a regular person like me crazy are cleverly dealt with in the orthodox world:

The ultimate purpose in life, as I learned it, is pleasure. G-d wants everyone to experience pleasure in life, and gives us the tools to achieve it. In the context of marriage, he lays out a roadmap of how to make a marriage successful. Obviously any couple will have their rough days, their fights and irritations. But without getting into details, that roadmap, if followed correctly, leads to maintaining love and respect for each other and deriving endless joy out of the marriage. One important aspect of this is permitting individuality even in unity. Thus, when one partner has a passion to travel, take art classes, etc., the other spouse allows for that and respects it. Following this roadmap is why their marriages are fruitful, successful and happy, and the spouses are able to take each others' love for granted even when they don't necessarily feel like putting all the work required into the relationship that day.

And here I am back to square one: I am not an orthodox Jew, nor do I plan on becoming one. And I can't follow this roadmap on my own. So, on my search for finding my mate I ask for one wish to be granted: that I can take him for granted!


Some interesting articles, shared by a wife of one of the Rabbis:
"What is Love?"

"5 Things a Man Needs to Do in a Successful Relationship"

1/1/11

A new year.

A new beginning.

Change is good for the soul.


I hope everyone has a happy, healthy and amazing new year, from beautiful Napa Valley.

Dear readers,

This holiday season has certainly been busy! My final finals are approaching later this week, and by Thursday I will be finished with Law School (assuming I pass...) after three quick years!

Thanksgiving also came and went, with a fun family dinner at Rosebud, where I got to sit next to Kristin Wiig and take a picture with her!!! Friends from around the country gathered at my lovely new apartment to reminisce about old times and indulge in our new experiences. The evening ended with a great conversation that lasted until the sun came up with my friend, where we compared his recent battles with love to mine, both grappling with the thought of forgiveness.

This friend has been through a lot in his life, and next to him I have experienced relatively little. However when it comes to love, we were certainly on the same page. Though we ended up here in different ways, we are both ready to devote ourselves completely to another person in a way that most people our age have not yet even tapped into. At 25, he spoke about wanting to find his "Mrs.", have some babies, and let his friends catch up to him whenever they were ready. It was the first time I spoke with a man my age who felt the same way that I did, understanding what it meant to measure friends by quality and not quantity, set priorities by loyalties and courage rather than by self-indulegence, and find the love of our lives instead of just a life that we loved.

We discussed our romantic pasts and I found it interesting that after two years his wound was still open, but that he was ready to forgive. Perhaps time helped him forget why they are no longer together, perhaps he has seen that he can't find someone better, perhaps he is lonely and settling, and perhaps she is truly the love of his life. Whatever the reason, his ability to forgive is admirable.

This weekend I attended an untraditional Bat-Mitzvah of a remarkable girl. The Temple it was held at was the only Temple in Illinois that used sign language for every part of the service. The young woman did such a graceful job, as she learned her Torah portion in not one, not two, but three languages: English, Hebrew, and Sign Language. Her hands danced in fluid movements as her voice recited important lessons about forgiveness. As I listened to her read and discuss her Torah portion I thought of my friend and our conversation.

The portion spoke about forgiveness. Joseph (the one with the Amazing Techni-colored Dream Coat), was the favorite of his father's sons. Fueled by jealousy, his 11 brothers took Joseph and left him for dead in a cave. As a result, Joseph was found, sold into slavery, and went to jail. His siblings, those he loved and trusted most in the world, stabbed him in the back. But after several years when they were reunited and Joseph became a prominent figure in Egypt, Joseph forgave them without second thought.

Betrayal is an ugly thing, especially when it comes from someone you love. A friend, sibling, lover, spouse, teammate, coworker, etc. might stab you in the back and leave you just as Joseph's brothers left him. But the lesson we learn is that we are supposed to forgive. In Christianity, forgiveness in the eyes of G-d occurs when someone is remorseful, but no literal apology must be made. On the other hand, Judaism teaches that an apology must be made to those who are wronged before forgiveness can occur. While those wronged might not accept an apology, G-d will, as he is also able to tell whether or not it is sincere.

My friend and I are nowhere near Joseph in terms of righteousness, but I was impressed that he was able to forgive even when he felt betrayed. When thinking about myself I saw that I don't make myself vulnerable to be betrayed by most people. I let a few people in that closely and trust that they would not hurt me. For the most part, I am a good judge of character, so this has been successful and I am a better person for it. I believe it also makes me more loyal, and I strive to earn trust from others because I know how important it is for me. A question I often think about is whether it is harder to apologize or to forgive, and I think if both are done whole-heartedly they are equally difficult and admirable.

This weekend was my 25th birthday and I was happy to welcome a fresh, new year. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and I am a testament to that. After all, if you are not strong, you must be, well, weak... and who can get through life like that? This year I will continue to grow and learn and be tested. This year I also know what I look for in others who I want to accompany me in my life more clearly than before. Though a snow storm prevented some good friends from joining me, I had a great dinner with those closest to me. Some people walked in and were impressed with the amount of people who showed up, for others it seemed a small group. For me, like Goldy-locks, it was just right, as I spent a great evening with those I am glad to be surrounded by.

BABY It's Cold Outside!!!!

UPDATE: Sienna Marin Saddler Schellinger :) was born at 2:15am on Nov. 14, 2010. 6 pounds 10 ounces of sheer perfection!!!

My best friend is currently in labor with her first child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is having a baby girl, who will be as thin as a noodle, as smart as a child of two Stanford grads would be, and as beautiful and exotic as Cleopatra. This is going to be one rock star baby. Can you sense my excitement!!??

This baby gets to start from scratch. A new, big and beautiful world is her Oyster. She is entering into the most loving universe a child can have, and I know she will be provided with only the best kinds of support and affection a child could ever need. I am so proud of my friend and her husband, as I could not imagine a more fit couple to supply me with my new favorite toy, and she could not have come at a more appropriate time:

My favorite time of year has officially begun! Yesterday at noon 93.9 WLIT started their month-long holiday music season, playing nothing but inspiring, joyful Christmas music on the radio 24 glorious hours a day, 7 beaming days a week. Upon hearing this music, which can make some people's skin crawl, makes every part of my being feel joyful and lighthearted.

Now, you may be wondering, why is this Jewish girl so obsessed with Christmas? I can tell you where it all began: I was born in Israel, and when my family moved to the US in October of 1989 it was the first time I saw snow. Before I even uttered my first English word I was immediately enrolled in Montessori, a nondenominational school. After a few short weeks the holidays came, and bright eyed and enthusiastic I came home, wrapped my tiny hands around my dad's neck and exclaimed, "Daddy! Daddy! Santa Clause knows my name!!!!!"

Needless to say my parents pulled me out and enrolled me at the Beth Shalom preschool the next day, but it was too late, the Christmas Spirit crept into my Soul and hasn't left since. Clearly it is not the religious aspect of Christmas that I love so much. In large part, it's an indication that Hanukah is quickly approaching and my mom's potato pancakes will soon be sizzling on the stove. That we will light the candles together as a family for eight nights in a row. It means that my birthday is quickly approaching, and that along with New Years I will be able to reflect on the past year and have one more year of wisdom behind me. But most of all, it's the joy, the spirit of giving, the warm smiles everyone bundles under their winter scarfs and hats, the uplifting music and the sparkling lights that make me count down to the day Starbucks starts using it's red cups every year.

Most importantly, it arouses some sort of spiritual connection with my best friends from High School. They live all over the map and have mostly moved away to achieve their dreams, but this time of year never fails to bring us back together. I am one of those rare people that would never want to revisit my college years but would relive high school in a millisecond. Overshadowing the bullying, the mean girls and the broken hearts was my life as a "Theatre Kid," or a "PAL" as my jerk English teacher called us (Performing Arts Loser). I don't care if you were the valedictorian or a 12 sport athlete, being a PAL enriched my life in an unspeakable way I doubt most people can understand. On the surface, I stayed away from the wrong crowds, avoided trouble, got direction through a healthy hobby, and was guided by the most caring and able of mentors. But it goes much deeper than that. It created lifelong bonds, it taught me about human interaction, about caring about others and about being comfortable with myself.

If any of you watch Glee, that is a pretty accurate description of life as a GBN PAL. We got to school at 7:45am and didn't leave until 9 or 10pm, leaving a few hours for homework, sleep, and hopefully a shower. Comedy Troupe, Choir, Show Choir, Theatre, Vocal Lessons, Musicals and lots more activities kept us busy and gave us direction. I played Tennis my freshman year, and I didn't get nearly as much out of that as I did through the performing arts department. But it was the holidays that made the countless hours of hard work worth it. We went everywhere from preschools to country clubs to nursing homes to spread holiday cheer and puts smiles on faces that needed them. We sang "Silent Night" to a woman who was taking her last breaths in the hospital, and sang "Joy to the World" to tables of loving young families. I have repaired houses wrecked from hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, been a counselor at a camp for children with cancer, and visited with HIV infected orphans in South Africa, yet something about singing holiday music brought me just as much or more fulfillment than many things I have done in my life. I needed it just as much as they did, and the reciprocity we shared connected me with my friends and our audiences.

One time we sang at an overcrowded home for adults with mental disabilities. The home was more like a dirty, smelly warehouse in disarray, with one staff person to every 15 or 20 residents. But when we got there you could never tell. They were so excited for us to sing and the joy on their faces was priceless. As we were wrapping up and singing our grand finale, "White Christmas," a very big and tall resident who made consistent eye contact with me throughout the concert sprang into a leap, pulled up his sweatpants and darted at me faster than I could scream "ELF!" He grabbed my leg, tore off my shoe, and started massaging my foot, my calf, my thigh and... well, you get it. I literally fell back onto my friends behind me and to my sides. An experience that could have been quite traumatic only left me with assurance that I was supported by my friends not just physically but emotionally as well. Turns out the guy had a foot fetish and was too big for his small caretaker to restrain. But no worries, the show must go on, and it did as we caroled to our usual exit.

Every year since graduating from high school my friends and I have gotten back together for some song and sentiment. I don't speak to some of them the entire year, and when December rolls around it's as though things have not changed. We have all moved on with our lives and gone to the moon and back for our aspirations, and have all been successful in our own special ways. I am so proud of them and am counting the days to get the gang back together again.

In the mean time, I am eagerly awaiting my new baby-friend to be delivered. Another healthy and happy life entering this world only to make it a better place, particularly around Christmas time.

No Excuses!

I was hoping that my next post would be more lighthearted, since many good things are going on in my life. I am mostly excited for my best friends from high school to come in for our annual Thanksgiving choir-song-fest, and I am anxiously awaiting "The Most Wonderful Time of Year:" Christmas/Hanukah/My Birthday to finally arrive. Instead, I had to share an interaction that occurred this morning:

Today (11.11, make a wish!) I officially encountered without a doubt the most tactful and mature adult interaction of my life. In my 24 years of learning how to play successfully with the rest of mankind, I have tried to avoid the petty drama that follows around most girls. I have generally been pretty successful at it. I stay out of the way of those who don't understand me or that I don't understand, and have fierce loyalty towards those I care deeply about. As Dr. Seuss wisely stated, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine this morning. It was short, to the point, and honest. I did something to hurt her feelings and she immediately sent me an e-mail telling me what I did that hurt her, and why it hurt her. Upon receiving the e-mail I felt the terrible pang of guilt you get when you known you did something wrong. I had about 50 excuses and reasons for doing what I did floating on my head, but her feelings were valid, and any excuse would be my way of invalidating those feelings. More importantly, I appreciated the way she approached me directly and immediately. Not a single person in my life has ever approached me in this sort of manner. I would like to think that I don't do many things that would warrant such an interaction, but even if I do, how could I know unless I am told?

Tuesday I went to a class that discussed ways to maintain a successful relationship, and what to do when someone is hurt. My friend acted in the exact manner that Judaism dictates in order for our relationship to be healthy, happy, and continuous. If someone does or says something that hurts, bearing a grudge is poisonous. Instead, telling that person, while it may be hard to make the initial confrontation, certainly pays off in the end. There have been a few times where I have tried to be as tactful as my friend, but it is a two way street. The person confronted must be as thoughtful as the confronter, leaving any excuses out of the picture, because feelings are feelings.

My friend talked about her own feelings instead of attacking what I did. It was not offensive, and I decided not to act defensively. I called her within minutes of receiving her e-mail, and we talked it through. I told her that she was right, that I had no excuse, and I apologized. It was painful to hear that I hurt my friend, but I can not express the appreciation I have for her that she approached me in the way she did. At the end of the conversation she told me that she does not hold grudges. I have been told this many times before, but this was the first time I believed it.

Few lessons in life stick forever, but I know this one will. Instead of creating an uneasy rift in our relationship, she can be confident that I will never again do what I did. Our loyalty will remain and our friendship will bloom for years to come, all because of something that lasted no more than five minutes.

Chug-a-Chug-a-Change-Chaaaaange!

UPDATE: NOV. 17, 2010 I am pleased to inform you, friends, that my train has found its tracks and that Sally is officially back in business :). I missed you all!


Change is Gooood
Change is Goood
Change is Good
Chang is Goo
Chng is Goo
Chn i Gh
Chu e Gho
Chug a Cho
Chug a Choo
Chug a Chooo
Chug a Choooo
CHUG A CHOOO CHOOOO!!!!!

Did you see what I did there?
I jumped on a train.
The change train.

One of my favorite songs, "People Get Ready," talks about change, and makes it seem easy to take a leap of faith, hop on, and go where it leads:

"People get ready
There's a train a-coming
You don't need no baggage
You just get on board
All you need is faith
To hear the diesel's humming
Don't need no ticket
You just thank the Lord"


So... I'm on this train... I don't have a ticket (the train came way earlier than expected...) and I don't have any baggage (literally, all of my stuff is in storage right now...). The one problem is, I think I left my faith back at the station? I just got on board, because the train came, and I had no other choice.

So... I'm on this train... and it is admittedly terrifying because I have no idea where it is going. For the last three years I have been at the same school, lived at the same place, dated the same guy, and used the Blue Line. My graduation date from school is January 16, and on that day each and every one of those things will have been peeled off of my warm and comfy cocoon, leaving what I can only hope will be a... butterfly?

So... I'm on this train... and through the glass I look and see myself standing at the station getting smaller and smaller in the distance. Sadly, when I pull my face away to try to find my reflection in the window, it's foggy and I can't make out an image of the Sally I have recognized for 24 years. Where was I in all of this change? I feel like I was unwillingly pushed on to the train, and that now I have no choice but to go forward, but I'm still trying to figure out what forward is?

Mahatma Gandhi said “We must become the change we want to see.” I suppose I'll have to patiently sit on the seat on this train on these tracks on the path to... somewhere. And I'll sit here until i figure out what kind of change I want to see. Up until the moment the train unexpectedly arrived, there was nothing in my life that I would have changed, and now I don't have a choice. So I'll try to hold on to that faith, and hopefully, before I know it, I'll be able to thank the lord.

Count Down to Harry Potter!

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Albus Dumbledore

Halloween marked two years since my beloved grandfather passed away. Yes, on Halloween. The year it happened was quite a mess and only a few people knew about it. I had a party with about 50 people at my apartment that night, found out he passed away earlier that day while trying to prepare, and had a ticket to fly to Israel the next morning for the funeral. God works in funny ways. I think the party helped me take my mind off of the fact that I had lost my last living grandparent that day.

One of my favorite memories of him was the last time he visited the States in 1998. He and my grandmother flew 13 hours from Israel to celebrate my sister's wedding and my Bat Mitzvah. Can you imagine the stress of my mother planning both, while taking care of my grandparents?! Not many women could handle that, yet she did with her usual grace and humility.

He was one of the smartest men I have ever known, with the most contagious belly laugh imaginable- certainly my father's father. Constantly asking me multiplication questions, traveling the world for business, swimming in the Mediterranean every morning, and fluent in at least five languages. At that point only the first Harry Potter- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, was published. I have this vivid memory (stored in my pensive ;) ) of coming downstairs in the morning only to see my grandfather, a wrinkled man of 85 at the time, bright eyed and anxious to flip to the next chapter of the wizarding world of Harry Potter. He read the book, in a language fourth or fifth from his native, in three days. He was just as fascinated by J.K Rowling's imagination, imagery and ideas as I was, 60 years his junior. I will go ahead and venture to guess that if you don't like Harry Potter, your imagination is not of the whimsical kind, and you are definitely not a Sagittarius.

As part one of the 7th installment comes out next week, I thought I'd write this post for him. He would have loved to continue reading the tales and watching the movies as much as my father and I do. I was in high school when the first two films came out. I went with my dad, Thursday night at midnight, along with all of the other witches and wizards who dressed up for the movie. I missed school the next morning, but the time spent with my dad was priceless. For the following two films, I drove home from college to once again view the Thursday midnight showing with my dad. For numbers five and six, you guessed it, two adults, waiting in a two hour line, to go see the fantastic adventures of Ron, Hermione and Harry.

What is it about Harry Potter that we love so much? Aside from the remarkable imagination of the story itself, Harry Potter sends out a powerful message. I stumbled across a blog that listed the most prevalent themes in Harry Potter:

1.Love is the most powerful force in the world
2.Objective morality (there is good, there is evil)
3.There is a battle between good and evil
4. We must choose a side
5.We should choose the good
Click here to see the blog.

For a children's book, this wisdom is invaluable to any age. Love is certainly the most powerful force in the world. When we lose someone, the pain is unspeakable. It is not only emotional but also physical. For true love, no obstacle is too great to overcome. If I have learned one thing about love, it is that it is unconditional. And when there are conditions, it is simply not true love. My father told me a long time ago, that when you really love someone, you even love the things you don't like. There is no such thing as "I love you, BUT..."

In Harry's case, it is the love his parents had for him that kept him alive when Voldemort wanted to kill him. It is the love he has for his friends and family that helps him defy the Death Eaters time after time. I can not think of a couple with a love more powerful than my parents. Affection, Attention, Appreciation, Affirmation, Adoration, Affinity... the list goes on, from A-Z. Every couple has their qualms, problems and annoying tendencies. Harry and I have learned together that love is certainly hard work. Yet Harry, who could have succumbed to Voldemort and the temptation of taking the easy way out, personifies unconditional love.

I am looking forward to the second to last midnight premier of Harry Potter that I will see with my dad. While there are hundreds of other midnight premiers we will attend, the last Harry Potter will close a chapter that has lasted almost 13 years, but my memories with my father, and my father's father, will be as strong as Harry's scar.



Other Harry Potter quotes I keep close:

After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. ~Albus Dumbledore

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain. ~Arthur Weasley

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. ~Albus Dumbledore

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. ~Sirius Black

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. ~Albus Dumbledore

You place too much importance... on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be! ~ Albus Dumbledore

Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. ~Albus Dumbledore

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. ~Albus Dumbledore

It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. ~Albus Dumbledore

The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with caution. ~Albus Dumbledore

Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here! ~Albus Dumbledore

The best of us must sometimes eat our words. ~Albus Dumbledore

If you're holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time. ~Albus Dumbledore

Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy. ~Albus Dumbledore

What's comin' will come and we'll meet it when it does. ~Hagrid

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. ~Albus Dumbledore

People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right. ~Albus Dumbledore

Who Takes the (cup)Cake?

“Sin is sweet in the beginning, but bitter in the end.” -The Talmud

My recent sinful indulgence? CUPCAKES. Don't lie, you are addicted to Cupcake Wars on the Food Network too... I eat them, and eat them, and eat them, and in the end, I'm bitter that eating all of those fancy muffins are giving me a muffin top (although these days I have the luxury of being able to gain a few lbs). I'll be the first to admit, I'm a foodie trend whore. Frozen yogurt, acai berries, rhubarb desserts, quail eggs, you name it, as long as it's kosher (I'm dying to try true foie gras and coq au vin).

The newest trend: Sprinkles Cupcakes. Straight from the skinny streets of Beverly Hills comes this fattening fad. Eaten (and then likely regurgitated) by the ladies of 90210, and sweeping the nation from West to East. Sprinkles opened up about two months ago in Chi-town, bringing lingering lines lasting up to a few hours! Who would wait an hour and a half for a cupcake you ask? THIS GIRL! Work? School? Shopping? Eh, I had nothing better to do.

I first had a medium-sized Sprinkles in May of 2009 during a trip to LA, and was super excited to see the "coming soon" sign at 50 East Walton Street in Chicago. I'll be honest, they are not my favorite cupcakes, not even by a stretch, but for some reason the long line gives me the same type of thrill I imagine Dexter gets upon a killing. The best part? The cinnamon sugar cupcake. It melts in your mouth (if eaten fresh) with the added crunch of a frosting-free cinnamon-sugar topping. The worst part? Their signature dot in the center of the cupcake (uneatable candy? Why torture me?!) The rest, despite the long line, is in between. Yet for some reason I continue to stand in that line, like a mindless zombie. It also helps that if you follow Sprinkles on Twitter: they give you a secret word to whisper when you are there to receive a free cupcake. Don't underestimate the value of an almost $5 cupcake for free. Follow them at @sprinkles for some free goodies!

Another tweeting treat is @flirtycupcakes (http://www.flirtycupcakes.com/). A lovely young lady drives around in a Tiffany-Blue van, tweeting daily locations and times for people around the city to follow.* A hit in the summertime, you could see long lines forming on street corners. We'll see if the frosting can stand up to our winter frost. With creative names like The McDreamy (Chocolate Cupcake With A Cream Cheese & Chocolate Filling), Curious George (Banana Chocolate Cupcake With A Light, Salted Caramel Italian Buttercream Frosting), Smore Me Over (Chocolate Cupcake With A Marshmallow Frosting), and my personal favorite, Devil in Disguise (you guessed it, Red Velvet). There's also a lip-smacking assortment of four mini cupcakes for your chance to try to convince yourself that eating all four different flavors is the caloric equivalent of eating one regular-sized treat (you know who you are...). I find these cupcakes to be light, slightly smaller in size than competitors but full of heart (she bakes all night and drives around all day!), and definitely my favorite cream cheese frosting in flavor, texture and cupcake-to-frosting ratio.

Other notable options?
Sweet Mandy B's (208 W Webster Ave Chicago) are large and pretty, and probably one of the most favored in Chicago. Mandy is too sweet for me, I prefer her cookies.
Swirlz cupcakes (705 W. Belden Ave) have a great assortment of gluten-free and vegan varieties.
Molly's Cupcakes (2536 N Clark St) wins for most adorable store, with wooden swings hanging from the ceiling and a sprinkles station to add your own touch, for the complete nostalgic experience.
A great option in the Loop is Sugar Bliss Cake Boutique, where the frosting alone is so pretty you might want to just keep it for decoration.
For the more adventurous, try a More cupcake. Known for its original flavors and ingredients (passion fruit and bacon!), you are always in for a surprise. (1 E. Delaware Pl.)

With all of the over priced cupcake options out there, I'm sure you'll find your favorite. Perhaps a well-spent birthday would include going from place to place searching for the winner. As for my personal favorite? Nothing beats an oversized, colorful, perfectly-sweet Crumbs cupcake. As my luck would have it, just like men and shoes, I want what I can't have: Crumbs has not yet graced Chicago with its presence. Rumored to be coming soon to the Loop, I just will have to hope that it will open here before my next trip to LA, Boston, or NYC.

My final concession is that while paying a small fortune for a cupcake is, er, thrilling, I found after indulging in all of the toppings, flavors, fillings, varieties, shapes, and sizes Chicago has to offer, that nothing beats a good old fashioned home made cupcake. Simple, sweet, and a touch of love in every bite.

*Hungry for a full lunch? Follow @Happybodega. Another truck tweeting location updates around the city for a good lunch alternative to Corner Baker. A (sanitary) fun, fresh, flavorful food experience.

Oh For the Love of Dog!

Ahhh the single life. I didn't think I'd ever be back here.

I suppose going out now is supposed to be a somewhat different experience, and I don't remember it being so... so... oomph.

Just an excerpt of a recent conversation, taking place with an over-zealous 22 year old, for your entertainment:

Dilbert*: Hi.
Me: Hey
Dilbert: What's your name?
Me: Sally.
Dilbert: Are you from Chicago?
Me: Ya.
Dilbert: Where do you live?
Me: Downtown.
Dilbert: Where downtown?
Me: Streeterville.
Dilbert: Where in Streeterville?
Me: Michigan and Chicago.
Dilbert: Oh, by the American Dental Association! Do you live alone?
Me: Yes.
Dilbert: Wow. That must be really lonely.
Me: It's not, I have my dogs.
Dilbert: Wow, that's sad. You're like a cat lady.
Me: No.
Dilbert: Do they sleep in bed with you?
Me: Of course.
Dilbert: This is a weird question, but what do you do if you have, er, company over?
Me: Dont worry, you won't find out.

Just then my friend came in on his tall white stallion and swept me away, well, at least far away from Dilbert.

Next week is chock full of social events, including Halloween. I will be sure to have some more of these ridiculous escapades for your entertainment. I have to go take my dogs out now...


*Names have been changed so to protect the identity of morons.