No Excuses!

I was hoping that my next post would be more lighthearted, since many good things are going on in my life. I am mostly excited for my best friends from high school to come in for our annual Thanksgiving choir-song-fest, and I am anxiously awaiting "The Most Wonderful Time of Year:" Christmas/Hanukah/My Birthday to finally arrive. Instead, I had to share an interaction that occurred this morning:

Today (11.11, make a wish!) I officially encountered without a doubt the most tactful and mature adult interaction of my life. In my 24 years of learning how to play successfully with the rest of mankind, I have tried to avoid the petty drama that follows around most girls. I have generally been pretty successful at it. I stay out of the way of those who don't understand me or that I don't understand, and have fierce loyalty towards those I care deeply about. As Dr. Seuss wisely stated, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine this morning. It was short, to the point, and honest. I did something to hurt her feelings and she immediately sent me an e-mail telling me what I did that hurt her, and why it hurt her. Upon receiving the e-mail I felt the terrible pang of guilt you get when you known you did something wrong. I had about 50 excuses and reasons for doing what I did floating on my head, but her feelings were valid, and any excuse would be my way of invalidating those feelings. More importantly, I appreciated the way she approached me directly and immediately. Not a single person in my life has ever approached me in this sort of manner. I would like to think that I don't do many things that would warrant such an interaction, but even if I do, how could I know unless I am told?

Tuesday I went to a class that discussed ways to maintain a successful relationship, and what to do when someone is hurt. My friend acted in the exact manner that Judaism dictates in order for our relationship to be healthy, happy, and continuous. If someone does or says something that hurts, bearing a grudge is poisonous. Instead, telling that person, while it may be hard to make the initial confrontation, certainly pays off in the end. There have been a few times where I have tried to be as tactful as my friend, but it is a two way street. The person confronted must be as thoughtful as the confronter, leaving any excuses out of the picture, because feelings are feelings.

My friend talked about her own feelings instead of attacking what I did. It was not offensive, and I decided not to act defensively. I called her within minutes of receiving her e-mail, and we talked it through. I told her that she was right, that I had no excuse, and I apologized. It was painful to hear that I hurt my friend, but I can not express the appreciation I have for her that she approached me in the way she did. At the end of the conversation she told me that she does not hold grudges. I have been told this many times before, but this was the first time I believed it.

Few lessons in life stick forever, but I know this one will. Instead of creating an uneasy rift in our relationship, she can be confident that I will never again do what I did. Our loyalty will remain and our friendship will bloom for years to come, all because of something that lasted no more than five minutes.