I Doubt Self Doubt

What is it about women? They are catty, passive aggressive, and jealous, but when one is in a crisis they flock together like birds in a park.

I recently have experienced the most challenging week of my life, not like "American Idol" challenging, like "Survivor" on steroids challenging. I had to make one of those rare decisions that affect the rest of your life, and I chose to stand up for myself when I could have easily walked into a situation where I had to leave my voice and my soul and every aspect of my being at the door. Although the outcome was not one I hoped for or imagined, I can happily say that the one thing I have learned is how to lose ten pounds in one week - ladies, it CAN be done! Email me and I'll show you how!

The point is, after being told by an over the hill woman who knew my deepest vulnerabilities that, among other ridiculous accusations, "you have no friends!" my friends proved her wrong. In my moment of crisis, darkness, I-think-this-is-what-it-feels-like-to-want-to-die, it was my friends that created the most supportive, trusting, and loving cushion around me. Friends and family reached out to me literally from coast to coast, and from Israel to Cambodia, to offer their love and support to crush those crushing words that I heard.

The drinks and barely-touched meals they paid for, the calls, texts, hugs, visits, hours and hours of conversation and analyzing, and uplifting support pulled me out of a debilitating depression into some sort of wormhole in between grief and normalcy, which is a huge improvement from last week. I feel like a Chilean miner slowly being pulled out of the ground (so happy for their families by the way!).

What I am trying to say is that my friends saved my life, literally, and I can't thank them enough for it. Trust me, it's not over, there is alot of work to still be done, many more drinks, nights out, conversations, and tears until I can get anywhere back to feeling normal, but I dedicate this to those girls (and some guys!) that reaffirmed that there is a light within me and I did the right thing by keeping the flame alive. Anyways, they made me doubt my self doubt, and I thank them for every minute of it. I really saw a side of my friends I have never known existed, because I never needed so much support. I am in awe of these girls and how they brought me back to a sweat-pants-wearing, non-showered, somewhat socially acceptable, life.